Well... *Blush*

Do you feel that you must seize control, take the initiative and run the show? And if you do, is it because you truly know what to do... or because you fear that someone else hasn't got a clue? Try to be more trusting.

Yes, guilty as charged. I think it is something, first and foremost, that my Mother commented in passing when I was... oh I don't know... 19 years old or so... just before I decided enough was enough and I didn't want to be anywhere near her toxic personality any more.

I have always thought myself as a self-reliant, independent girl. I AVOIDED at all cost getting anyone (ok, except for my eldest sister, because I was closest to her) to drive me and drop me where I have to go, mainly because sitting in the car with my Dad would involve countless amounts of preaching... and no, he is NOT a priest. I have TRIED, with all the willpower that I have, and without chucking the biggest tantrum, for both my parents to let me take the bus, or any other public transport, to and from school, back in Jakarta; something they didn't let me until I reached the last year of Junior High (so Year 9), and by an otopet. I rebelled, and took the bus anyway, and pocketed the savings from not taking an otopet (about 10 times more expensive) to fund my farewell party.

When I moved here, public transport was the most common method of transportation for school kids, and I wholeheartedly embraced getting in a bus every day. When I studied in Uni, I had to catch a bus to the city, took a train to Ipswich, and take another bus from the train station to the campus. I didn't grumble that it took me about... 2 hour each way going to and from Uni - that was my freedom, my time I could do whatever (even catch up on my sleep) without being berated.

And then I met my husband (then boyfriend). Back then, he was working in Townsville, on a fly-in fly-out job. I think he had a two-week on-site, one week off arrangement. And then his contract finished, so he stayed and looked for work that didn't require him to be so far away.

Just like any other couple in their 'honeymoon' phase, Fred dedicated most of his free, non job-hunting time to pick me up from home, drive me to Uni, drive me back home. And one day, my Mother ever-so-considerately (not!) asked "you're not becoming totally dependent on him, are you?"

Can someone tell me how, wanting to spend as much time possible with one's boyfriend, because the environment was (and still is!) much healthier than hanging around your parent's house, be a 'totally dependent' thing? How, being driven from A to B (most times, but NOT all the time) and going out to watch movies and have dinner, become a sign of me losing my frickin' independence?

But it was one thing that stuck in my mind, and consequently, it had a big impact on the way I approached work. I found asking for help, fow the task that has been entrusted to me, as a sign of weakness; a blatant show of my incompetence. The more stressful a situation becomes, the more I 'hoard' my responsibilities, not wanting to relinquish any tasks that could easily be delegated to someone else who isn't as busy, because, in my opinion, by the time I explain to them what I want, it would have been far easier for me to have done it myself.

I have learnt though, from the commencement of this year, that I HAVE to learn how to delegate. My work has become increasingly demanding and if I can palm off the easier tasks such as printing and calling Principals to confirm appointments, so be it.

But there are some things I still am not ready to relinquish... such as assisting with Principal interviews. I guess because it is, in a way, Event Management, something I am totally passionate about. I guess because when it comes to looking after my bosses, I still, to this day, want to make a good impression and portray that I'm capable of everything that's thrown my way. If I can't put out lunches and brew fresh coffee, how am I supposed to do everything slightly more intricate/complicated?

My colleagues told me that delegating is a skill. It's a newly acquired skill - one I need to practice more for me to perfect, but one I have made a start on. Like the star sign forecast said, it all comes down to trust, and I have started on trusting more of people.