I've mentioned this before, in an older post... that as the writing of my novels come to a close, I find it harder to write the sections that... tie up/wrap up the entire novel.
I think, partly, it is because I know that once I write that very last sentence of that very last section, tying the book nicely together from one section to the other, everything is final. I can revisit the books, of course, to proof-read and edit, to change a word here and there, but generally, all the characters have taken that final bow; the final curtain has been drawn, never to be opened again; all the encores have been performed.
This is something I'm currently struggling with in trying (trying being the operative word) to finish the Michael & Lizzy saga. Book I, III and IV are finished, and I, literally, only have 2 sections to finish off book II before I can officially announce that Michael & Lizzy books, in its entirety... is done and dusted, leaving me free to concentrate all my energy and time wholeheartedly to the Evelyn's story.
I always feel both liberated and saddened at that thought, but especially with Michael & Lizzy. Writing a 10-year span of these characters' lives is by no means an easy feat, and I can honestly say that this is the very novel that has developed and refined my writing skills and abilities to new limits. I owe so much to Michael & Lizzy novel, including cementing my writing style. Having shaped these characters from its infancy (ok, not quite, but you get my gist) to adulthood, it is also the novel I am very much attached to.
The thought of rounding this process off is sometimes quite upsetting I have to walk away and do something else to distract my mind. I feel like I've lived with these wonderful characters for so long that to write that final sentence would be equivalent to packing my bags and fly to the other side of the world, never seeing those I love and care about, ever again. Irrational, I know, considering none of these people are real.
The flip side of the coin is that, being so close to the end, I wish, with every fibre of my being, to do this novel justice. To end it in a wonderful way it deserves; to not settle for something that's just 'good enough'; to take my time and ensure that what I've written is grade-A, top choice, best quality piece of work.
To this end, I find myself... stalling from even attempting to write these two final sections. I find myself writing the first paragraph, pausing, taking one look at what I've scribbled, and tearing the page off in confetti-sized pieces, believing that it's utterly crap, lame, and undeserving of the novel. Every thought processes I have in my mind about how I want to write these final sections have always been scolded and belittled by the other, more critical voice inside my head, shun to shame for its simplicity.
But I'm realising, more and more, that I have to stop doubting myself, and just like what I've done for the past four-and-a-half years, plunge in and do it (heck, this is how I started writing in the first instance anyway!). And the rest, as they say, will take care of itself...
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