I have to say that 2009 has been a busy year, though to me personally, that business has revolved around one thing and one thing only; work. It has taken me... oh, just a decade to finally be able to proudly say that I LOVE my work; I am passionate about what I do; I believe that right now, this is exactly where I'm supposed to be and what I'm supposed to be doing.
I remember in my work prior to this, as Communications & Marketing Co-ordinator for an Engineering company, I organised A LOT of events, some for offices in other states. The bad thing about that was that because I wasn't a permanent employee, I never got to travel to any of these interstate events, even though I had practically bust my ass to ensure that no details, however small, was overlooked.
A realisation has hit me often, in the past few months, that I am currently in my dream job; the title (Secretary) might make you think immediately that I get all the shitty tasks, and some days, I think that there might be some truths to that. But most days, I can appreciate the bigger things, the perks that come from organising simultaneous Cluster meetings, or Golf Day; like the opportunity to call my darling husband up as I arrived in the hotel room and said: There are twenty-two floors in this hotel. I am on level 22; of being able to sit through a free buffet or three-course dinner and finding the less serious side of the Principals; of being able to trawl through the clothes aisle of Myer and snatched that little black dress, and didn't have to pay a cent of it because I had received a gift card of substantial amount for all the hard work I've done co-organising Golf Day; even the little things like the compliments my bosses, and other Secretaries' bosses, have thrown at me for all the initiatives I've taken and the help I've given them. I've figured that money isn't everything.
This year has been made more special from work perspective because I had the golden opportunity to work with someone who's not only a colleague, but also a good friend. We had a wonderful time together, bouncing off ideas, trusting each other to get some urgent stuff done when one was away, and for the first time in my life, I enjoy seeing someone I work with outside working hours.
The downside of being overly passionate about my work, is the fact that I kind of disconnected myself from just about almost every other aspects of my life, with the exception of my husband. I found myself struggling to find other conversation topics to talk about with my husband's family, and therefore retreated myself into the corner. I became rather possessive about my responsibilities, and became terribly upset with the two temps working there for the whole of this year because they didn't share the same work ethics my friend and I did (older generations and all). I found myself completely burnt out two weeks before Christmas I had to take a sickie more than absolutely necessary just to sort things through in my head, and to bloody avoid facing the two people who, in my opinion, pulled the rest of the team down.
This year also saw the utter deterioration of my relationship with every member of my in-laws. In essence, it did boil down to the 'China' girls outing my mother-in-law, sisters-in-law, a close family friend and a cousin organised without including me. I know that in light of people losing their homes in natural disaster, world hunger and poverty, this seemed absolutely miniscule and petty, but this year, I really struggled to care and show compassion to them. I almost lost faith in basic humanity traits, believing that putting others before you don't get you anywhere because it would never get reciprocated; that by association, being the backbone of a family means you get treated like a piece of shit; that at one point, you have to say to yourself enough is enough and as selfishly as it sounds, tell yourself that you come first and the hell with everyone else.
This year, not that my perfectionist mind would allow me to admit it, I made quite a big contribution to the Michael & Lizzy saga. I also revamped Eleanor I, the first novel I've ever written about 3 years ago, to the point that I can say to myself that I'm ready to take the next step and dwelve into the big, unknown world of publishing. This year proudly saw me as an accomplished, budding artist, and I couldn't be happier about the quality of writing I've produced, even if no one else, so far, has seen it.
The other thing I've managed to neglect this year, is my health. Not that I'm by any means ballooning, but I can feel myself getting... sluggish and heavier. I puff walking up from the bottom carpark to my workplace on Level 3, not used to exercise. I don't watch what I eat - more and more nights I opt for the simpler, more expensive option of getting take-away; anything to avoid cutting up vegetables, cooking, and stacking up dishes in the dishwasher; anything that would give me more time to write.
It's been a roller-coaster year, and one I don't think will slow down next year. But this year, more than ever, I've embarked on a most interesting journey of self-discovery, shaping myself to be the woman I want to be.
